Right on Time
by Yvette Trujillo, RScP
I’m so grateful to be feeling a bit more like myself today. I can tell because this morning like the last three I have found myself in my meditation chair. There is a new normal emerging. There is a new me emerging. My glimpses of her are more frequent and although she isn’t quite what I knew before, the essence of her is. This is one of the most important things for me to notice now I think; the essence of me is the same even if aspects of my experience have changed.
For the past couple of months, my shadow has been in control and I’ve allowed it to provide a sense of safety and shelter and to shrink my world even more than the pandemic has. I’ve eaten way more than my body needs and I’ve indulged in lots of things that are not healthy or nourishing. I’ve stayed in my pajamas and not combed my hair some days and I’ve watched so much TV. It’s what I must have needed to do. But today, I’m sitting in my chair, listening to soothing flute music watching the light overcome the dark outside my window as shadows turn into trees and bushes and houses and mountains.
Today, I started with curiosity and a sense of possibility. Today I feel my heart being pulled in the direction of hope instead of fear and just as I allowed my shadow to console and protect me. I will allow this pull to lead me now in this new dance of life of which I do not know the steps, but I can now feel a willingness to learn. I will be new at something again and I will probably stumble and look a little foolish but I will turn my attention not to how I am performing but instead to the pull. The pull of my heart back to me.
This has not been the most graceful of experiences and there is a part of me that wishes I could have done it better… that I could be doing it better now. And then I remember that God is all there is. The Power and Presence of God is right here in the midst of all of this. It is in my sleeping late and eating junk food and it is flowing through hours of television and unreturned texts. I know this because there is no thought or experience that is outside of the presence of Spirit, no matter how messed up it might look or how scary it might feel, God is right here, God is right now.
I give thanks for the shadow that has been here to provide me with a sense of safety and protection and I give thanks to the beautiful pull of curiosity and possibility I feel today. I give thanks for my meditation chair waiting patiently for my early morning visit and I give thanks to the essence of me that patiently waited, unrecognized. I give thanks for this opportunity to share my thoughts and experience with you today. It is all right on time.
And so it is