Moving Past Judgment: I Do Not Know What Anything is For
by Nancy Bowers, RScP
“Think of the word “emotion.” If you take the “e” away, that leaves you with motion. This is significant because emotional states are not static things. They do not last very long but are subject to dynamic processes that when complete naturally lead to release and acceptance. Suffering is the tension and stress we feel when we try to block the emotional process and don’t allow it to complete.” ~Marshall Stern, Meet the Buddha, Kill the Buddha
“Suffering is an add-on to organic sadness and can last as long as we continue to support the conditions that create it in the first place.” ~Marshall Stern, Meet the Buddha, Kill the Buddha
Lately, I have been noticing where it is that I create needless suffering in my life. I sit back and witness the million thoughts chattering in my head, and watch in amazement as the judgments and opinions spill forth. I like to think of myself as fairly non-judgmental, but that is clearly a lie of the ego because I find it difficult to watch a simple TV show without pausing to spout off my observations to my husband. It’s subtle. It’s not as if I am spewing hatred, but the part of my mind that clings to superiority loves to wax poetic about what the “others” should or shouldn’t be doing. Those “observations” are ego’s way of steering the moment. I am, in effect, resisting what is.
I’ve taken to noticing my thoughts, not just while meditating, but in the course of living. Running commentary is constant when I don’t notice what I am up to, when I forget to bring my mind back to simply observing without judgment. One of my favorite Course in Miracles lessons echoes in my brain each time I allow the judging to continue, “I do not know what anything it for.” (Lesson 25.) I have to remind myself that if I am judging, I am not being loving. I am superimposing my ideas on the situation and allowing ego to have a voice. Ego is rarely kind. I’ve learned over the years, I can’t trust that bastard’s opinion. It tends to assign guilt. It tends towards cruelty. It justifies its position over what it considers injustice, sometimes turning its venomous opinions inward when I’m present enough to realize I am neglecting to be kind. It knows I am less likely to notice that I’m softly berating myself for my error. If it’s not openly mean, ego’s ideas may likely slip by unnoticed. Ego is a slippery one.
Ego, the part of my mind that likes to pretend it is separate and superior, resists what is. It is the part that is looking for solid ground, for life’s pause button. Except there isn’t one. It creates suffering by resisting what is. It’s not embracing the moment, it is resisting it. I breathe into the sadness that ego has over the disparity between what is and what I would prefer. It tries to tell me it knows what is best for me.
“I do not know what anything is for.” It is my daily mantra; my tool for releasing the impulse to judge.
Prayer:
God is and the Truth of God is Love. It is pervasive. In every moment, in every person, place and thing – Love is there. No separation; only connectedness; only Oneness. God is the heart of that Oneness and I live in that. It is a reverence for All. It sees innocence. It is a Homecoming to God. Heaven is where the Love lives and it is mine for the choosing.
In this moment, I stop to remember my oneness with the Divine. I breathe into the Love. I let go of thinking I know anything and allow God to show me the gifts of the moment. I remember that God is always FOR me. I remember that love does not judge, it allows. It moves from moment to moment, forever offering Love. It is forever Kind.
Remembering this, knowing this, I simply observe. I am curious about what God is offering me. I let my mind feel whatever emotion has been aroused and move through ego’s sadness. I revoke its judgment privileges. I breathe into God’s Peace. I recognize that it is mine for the choosing.
I am grateful to remember that peace is mine the moment I suspend judgment and choose love. I am grateful for the teachings. I replace sadness with stillness and rejoice in the Truth of God.
God is Love. I choose it and move past all suffering. And so it is. Amen.